Navigating High-Conflict Divorce and Child Custody Situations
Making the choice to leave an abusive situation is never an easy decision. In fact, it is probably the most difficult challenge you will face. Not only are you mourning the loss of your relationship, but you are also leaving in fear of what’s to come next whether it is for your safety or financial security or fear for your child/children. Yet, here you are. The trauma you have gone through has been unbearably challenging. Many tears have been shed and dreams have been shattered. For those who have left the situation the victory of leaving is very short lived if a minor child is involved.
Welcome to the world of child custody disputes, the arena in which a domestic violence situation turns into a challenging, emotional, and difficult to manage legal battle. Unfortunately, domestic abusers tend to be extremely charming and charismatic, especially in the court. After all, it is that characteristic that drew you in and kept hold of you throughout your relationship. The charming charismatic attitude is rewarded in a co-parenting situation because while they appear “reasonable” their game is to make you appear “crazy”, “out of control”, “ and worse, “uncooperative” – characteristics that could destroy your chance at maintaining custody in the long-term.
The standard in child custody cases is essentially to be “reasonable” by putting the most effort you can in co-parenting – something which is extremely difficult and stressful given a history of prior abuse. This polarizing approach is what has led to a problem in recognizing the true issues with domestic violence: the issue that abusers are extremely good at presenting themselves as sympathetic, kind, caring individuals while portraying you as the one who causes problems.
In light of this, there are two options:
- Learn how to work with the abusive individual (I know, this is extremely difficult but it is something worth learning), or
- Continue arguing and potentially jeopardize your custody case in the long term.
Please give me a call to schedule your free 30-minute consultation and get help navigating this difficult time.
Need Help With Texts or Our Family Wizard Messages?
The messages you send to your co-parent can have an impact in how custody is evaluated in the long-term. Your messages can be used against you especially if they are hurtful, threatening, or argumentative. Instead, you want to communicate effectively, not emotionally. Effective communication includes messages that get to the point while inviting the other parent to weigh in on their thoughts while showing that you are considering the other parent’s perspective. This is exceptionally difficult to do when you are in a high-conflict co-parenting situation because of the intensity of emotions involved. Therefore, it is important your messages are free of negative or insulting words while also fostering understanding. If you need help working on crafting messages to co-parent with your ex, please feel free to contact us today for a free 30-minute consultation on how we can help you craft the best messages that get to the heart of the issue.